DB

Obama Taps Ayers for Homeland Security

In Politics on November 10, 2008 at 11:49 am

‘Practical Experience’ Key Factor in Decision

What is expected to be a flurry of major appointments began with somewhat of a surprise yesterday as President-Elect Obama tabbed controversial education professor William Ayers to be his Secretary of Homeland Security. While reporters and pundits were caught off-guard by the announcement, transition team insiders indicated that Dr. Ayers appointment came as no surprise to “anybody who pals around with Barack Obama”.

In a brief prepared statement, President-Elect Obama praised Professor Ayers, who was named Chicago’s ‘Citizen of the Year’ in 1997 for his work in reforming the city’s education system, not only for his years of public service, but also his “practical experience as it relates to homeland security”.

“Bill Ayers knows how terrorists think,” Mr. Obama said of his longtime colleague and cribbage partner, “He knows what they eat for breakfast. Bill, or ‘Uncle Billy’ as my two girls call him, was part of a group that not only identified, but was also able to penetrate key terrorist targets a full thirty years before the attacks of September 11. That’s the kind of know-how, the kind of expertise we need in Washington. That’s the kind of guy we need on our side. In addition, Bill and I have a long history of working well together, and I know I can trust him at least 90% of the time. It’s not every day you get odds like that in Washington. So I say to you now, let the word go forth from this time and place, to those who would attack this generation of Americans within our own borders, ‘You’ve got to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on William Ayers’.”

bill-ayers

When reached by phone, Dr. Ayers told reporters, “I look forward to working with my ‘bff’ Barack Obama to keep our people safe and our nation secure.  And it’s going to be really cool to prowl the corridors of power without fear of being recognized.”

Obama Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emmanuel, when asked what role, if any, he played in Dr. Ayer’s appointment, told reporters, “The President-Elect had his mind pretty much made up before I came on board, but I couldn’t agree more with his decision and am delighted that William Ayers will be playing for our team. He’s the third guy who was in Grant Park last week who will be attending Cabinet meetings — five more and we’ll break the record set back in 1968.”

When a puzzled reporter asked if his statement indicated that Americans could expect the Obama Cabinet to resemble the ‘Chicago 7′ made famous by their trial on charges of conspiring to incite a riot at the 1968 Democratic National Convention, Mr. Emmanuel, in the style for which he has become known on Capitol Hill, responded, “Why, would that be a [expletive] problem for you?”

Visit The System Stinks Shop

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: