Archive for October, 2008|Monthly archive page

Identifying Number Two

In Politics on October 31, 2008 at 12:48 pm

Who is Michael Goldfarb? Please view the above video (less than two minutes) for a brief introduction.

If you have watched the video, please skip to the next paragraph. For those of you who didn’t, Michael Goldfarb is the National Spokesman for the McCain/Palin Campaign. He appeared yesterday on CNN in an incredibly transparent and even more inept attempt to convince voters, especially Jewish retirees in the key battleground state of Florida, that Barack Obama ‘pals around with anti-Semites’. This stems from the revelation that a tape exists showing that Barack Obama attended a function also attended by Rashid Khalidi, who like Obama was a Professor at the University of Chicago and unlike Obama has spoken out against Israeli policies. When pressed by correspondent Rick Sanchez to name and second possible person known to be anti-Semitic whom Obama associates with, ‘Mickey’ thrice answered “We all know who Number Two is.”

No Mr. Goldfarb, I don’t know who Number 2 is, but I certainly know what Number 2 is. I know it when I see it, I know it when I smell it, and I know it when I hear it. And I got the distinct impression from the way you were moving in your seat that a big pile of it had just filled any gaps between your ass and your Dr. Dentons. And by the way, by appearing shortly after 3 p.m., you missed being seen by the people you were most hoping to con. Didn’t anyone in the campaign realize that at that hour they’d be busy getting ready for the ‘Early Bird Special’?

But Mr. Goldfarb, a former Weekly Standard staffer, isn’t the problem with the McCain Campaign; he is merely a symptom – a dingleberrry on the conservative landscape as it were. The problem with the campaign is that it has been, from top to bottom, a ‘number 2′ operation from day one. ‘Number 2′ management and ‘number 2′ decision-making have caused them to repeatedly step in… well, we all know what number 2 is.

A check shortly after his memorable performance on CNN showed that the last 20 items posted by Mr. Golfarb on JohnMcCain.com received average viewer ratings of less than 2.5 out of a possible 5 stars. This guy gets bad reviews when he’s preaching to the choir, yet somebody decided to make him a national spokesman. Holy #2!

I can only hope, with the economy in such deep ‘number 2,’ as well as all the other problems facing the country, that Senator McCain is unable to overcome his staff’s incompetence and somehow pull this election out. If he does, people like Mr. Goldfarb and the guru who put him in this position will wind up with positions of power within the next administration.

I must leave on that note as, upon consideration of this prospect,  I think I just did number 2…

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Obama to Withdraw from Race

In Politics on October 29, 2008 at 9:47 am

Cites Right-Wing Conspiracy

The rumors that began circulating overnight are now confirmed. In tonight’s nationally televised address, Barack Obama will announce that he is withdrawing from the Presidential race. According to a copy of the speech given to Phil the Reporter by a tearful, anonymous campaign worker at a Denny’s restaurant early this morning, Senator Obama will formally endorse John McCain and every other Republican candidate for national office citing the long established principle of ‘you broke it – you bought it’. When asked why he was making the text of the speech public, the worker responded, “I thought it necessary to dispel the ugly rumors going around that the Senator was going to close his remarks by telling Senator McCain, President Bush, and Vice President Cheney to ‘kiss his black ass’. Barack Obama may only be half-black, but he’s all class.”

While he will not actually admit to being a Democrat as his opposition claimed yesterday, he will nonetheless outline his belief that this move is necessary to “ensure and protect the future of the Democratic Party.” The speech goes on to say, “The Republicans have tried their best to ‘throw’ this election, as evidenced not only by the nominations of John McCain and in particular Sarah Palin, but by their incredibly transparent mishandling and mismanagement of every facet of the campaign, from their choice of convention speakers to their unlicensed plumber who actually already owns his own business… My fellow Americans, it’s time to be honest with ourselves. It’s one thing when a stodgity old Vietnam Vet can’t remember how many houses he owns, but it’s quite another when the guy who they put forth as the face of their campaign, the face of America, doesn’t remember that he’s self-employed. They’re trying to put one over on the American people. They’re trying to shirk their responsibility. Tonight I say to them ‘you broke it, you bought it’.”

The harsh words for the GOP continue, “My fellow Americans, we are living in troubled times. The Republican Party continues to live in the past when our country needs to move forward into a brighter future. We need change. And I would have loved to be the President who helped bring about that change. But unless the Republican Party learns to live in today’s world, that change cannot happen under any President. This conspiracy that has been brought to my attention, that when you examine the facts becomes plain to see, a conspiracy that is aimed at putting me in the White House, exemplifies their failure to accept that times have changed. I cannot, and will not, accept the Presidency knowing that I am there even partly because sinister forces within the Republican Party have conspired to force an Obama Presidency on the American people. Yes, it is time for change. And the best change for our country will be to bring the Republican Party into the 21st century. The change we need is for them to repair what they have broken, to heal what they have damaged, and to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. They need to demonstrate to the American people and the rest of the world that, in the 21st century, the United States of America is no longer a country where a bunch of wealthy white men can make a mess and force a black man to clean it up.”

When reached for comment about Senator Obama’s charges, the obviously stunned future First-Lady Cindy McCain said, “The whole idea is preposterous. Anyone who knows John and me knows most of our help are Mexicans.”

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McCain Accuses Obama of Being a Democrat

In Politics on October 28, 2008 at 12:42 pm

In a stunning development described by political analysts as “the conservative version of going postal,” Senator John McCain today referred to his opponent for the White House, as “a Democrat”.

“Barack Obama is a Democrat, and I can prove it,” Mr. McCain told the dozen or so supporters gathered in the small enclave of Elba, Iowa. The crowd, stunned into silence by this accusation, returned to their arts and crafts period, leaving McCain alone to address the gathered media. “We have voter registration records, we have him TiVo’d at the Democratic convention… look at the mountain of evidence people. For God’s sake, with his background it’s not like the Republican Party would have him.”

A senior Obama campaign official laughed-off the allegation. “Mr. Obama has run a well-planned, well-executed campaign where he has achieved every goal he has established to this point. He is not only ahead in the polls, but he has a strong tactical advantage heading into the final days. Does that sound like a Democrat to you? Senator McCain, in his desperation, is trying to make the ‘D’ word stick knowing that is his only chance for victory. I would ask Mr. McCain, ‘If it doesn’t look like a duck, doesn’t walk like a duck, and doesn’t quack like a duck, then why sir are you calling it a duck?'”

At a campaign stop in Nogales, Mexico, Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin broke away briefly from her prepared speech on immigration and abortion issues to go on the attack. “Barack Obama has shown he supports democratic ideas, and might very well be a Democrat himself. John McCain and I know that this is no time to start experimenting with democracy!”

Mr. McCain, when confronted by reporters, deftly avoided answering questions about the Obama camp’s “duck” analogy by repeating the word ‘duck’ a few times, pointing into the sky, shouting ‘incoming!’ and diving under the podium, a move widely lauded by the conservative media.

“He’s not only a maverick, not only a hero, and not only a great American,” gushed radio pundit and neo-Nazi icon Rush Limbaugh, “but he just showed great political savvy and decisive leadership.” Mr. Limbaugh went on to add, “I’d do him right now for a percocet.”

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How to Avoid Another ‘Greenspan Oops’‏

In Economy on October 27, 2008 at 9:53 pm

I come not to bury Alan Greenspan, but to praise him…

After eight years of a ‘CYA at All Costs’ Administration Policy, Alan Greenspan had the wherewithal to admit to the House Oversight Committee that his long-held theory about deregulation was flawed. Fortunately, he pinpointed exactly where the flaw in the theory lies… and yes, it’s a doozy.

Mr Greenspan told the committee, now seeking to lock the bank door after all the money has escaped, “Those of us who have looked to the self-interest of lending institutions to protect shareholders’ equity, myself especially, are in a state of shock and disbelief.”

Terrific. The most powerful economic figure in the country, perhaps the world, truly believed that the same greedy bastards he essentially acknowledges would screw their own mother out of a dollar (if it didn’t mean losing their jobs) would somehow not take the risk involved in screwing their shareholders for a few hundred million. Apparently not being surprised every time Charlie Brown doesn’t get to
kick the football is not a prerequisite for becoming chairperson of the Federal Reserve.

But thanks for taking your lumps, Mr. Greenspan, because now that we know the root of the problem, perhaps we can fix it.

Economists need to understand basic human nature. And we can no longer take it for granted that they will acquire this understanding on their own. One might think that somebody in one of our many institutions of
higher learning would have thought of this. Apparently not.

Easy to fix. Make it mandatory for anyone seeking a degree in economics (or business for that matter) to pass an introductory level course in human psychology as a prerequisite.

If you agree, please forward a copy of this not only to your friends, but especially to Carol Geary Schneider, President of the Association of American Colleges and Universities. Her e-mail address is cgs@aacu.org.

Our apologies to Dr. Schneider for any inconvenience, but hey, this is an emergency.

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Forget About the 150K

In Politics on October 26, 2008 at 10:00 pm

For all those fixated on the Republican National Committee’s $150,000 expenditure on Sarah Palin’s wardrobe and accessories, STOP! You’re taking your eye off the ball.

This is a small part of a much larger, and increasingly clear picture.

First, they wouldn’t allow her to answer any questions posed to her until she had undergone a two-month “re-education” program [to borrow an expression from China, et. al.] Meanwhile, they determined that this state governor would also not be adequately presentable to the public without a wardrobe upgrade.

What a bunch of elitists! Ms. Palin ran a successful campaign against overwhelming odds and won the Governor’s seat in what is still part of the United States in spite of the best efforts of her husband and other friends she pals around with. But these ‘Real America’ snobs deemed it necessary to lock her up for two months with Henry Higgins (among other experts) and give her a wardrobe and cosmetic makeover as well before she could be presented to American Society. All this so that they can represent her and themselves as being more like Joe the Plumber and less like Aubrey the Banker or [gasp,] George the President.

What’s really important here is how this move exemplifies the obvious, and most important factor in this election to be dismissed out-of-hand by both the RNC and the McCain Campaign – Governor Palin’s lack of qualifications to hold the office for which they have nominated her. It also shows the lack of sound judgment involved with her nomination to begin with.

Citing GOP hypocrisy is no longer an intellectual exercise. They’ve dumbed-it-down to the point that their base’s no-longer-well-educated children can see it. For now, let’s even ignore the fact that shopping at Sak’s Fifth Avenue even goes so far as to support the economy of their real enemy, ‘The Other America’.

The RNC and McCain campaign, contrary to their words, have clearly demonstrated their own lack of confidence in their candidate. They needed two months to give Gov. Palin enough preparation to satisfy them that she could even be a suitable campaigner as a VP nominee, yet they expect us to believe she is ready to assume the office of President of the United States on a moment’s notice.

This is even bigger folly than William Seward spending $7.2 million of taxpayer money on that remote ‘Share the [Oil] Wealth’ socialist patch of ice this would-be President hails from.

Taking Back ‘American’

In Politics on October 20, 2008 at 10:07 pm

Over the last 8 years or so there has been a blurring of the definition of “American”. With a change of Administration imminent (whether the next one be Democratic or Republican) it is important that we all come to a consensus on what is American, or more to the point un-American, so we may finally agree on exactly what it is that we all seem to take pride in being.

Some suggestions:

  1. War” and “Troops” are different things. We all have 4 different options. You can support one, the other, neither or both. The two options that involve NOT supporting our troops are un-American. The two that involve supporting them are both acceptable as “American”.
  2. Faith, of any variety, can be the greatest part of someone’s life. Religious extremism, of any variety, endangers lives and freedom.
  3. Separation of church and state will be considered “American” until such time that it is removed from our Constitution.
  4. Social and religious tolerance are American values. Henceforth, intolerance will no longer be tolerated.
  5. Wanting our leaders or even candidates dead is un-American. Disagreeing with them is natural.
  6. Paying higher taxes in times of war is not un-American — it’s our heritage. Causing our grandchildren to become the indentured servants who will build the next great Chinese railroad is un-American.
  7. Socialist principles, when properly applied in capitalist countries, have been proven an effective means of providing a “safety-net” for the masses — unemployment insurance, social security, education, etc. [in more advanced countries even health care]. When improperly applied they provide a “safety net” to the “financial elite” who don’t have to worry about all that other stuff anyway. Taking from the bottom 99% to give to the top 1% may not be un-American, but it’s sure hard to make a winning argument for…
  8. Anyone who believes that the people of Washington D.C. and New York City are somehow un-American, anti-American or even ‘less American than they are’ should commandeer a plane and take a crack at it themselves.
  9. Anyone who has ever suggested that American citizens who disagree with or criticize our government [while exercising their right to free speech] should “find another country to live in” must be prepared for their turn to “put-up or shut-up”.
  10. DON’T PANIC. It will only convince the rest of the world that we finally realize we’ve been as stupid as they thought we were all along.

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.” – Mark Twain